Resolutions

[shaolinstylee]

What are yours? I'm going to try to drop a few more pounds and fight more.

[daodejing]

Maybe I'll stop drinking and do standing qigong every morning.

[Maestro]

hmm

more kung fu, more girls, more chi..

[pazman]

i'm with maestro....but maybe in a different order

[shaolinstylee]

Happy New Years all...

[doc]

Doc's New Year's resolutions...

I've given this some thought. It's tiime to radically change my ways. Here's my list:

Start drinking. Heavily. Hell, I'm old enough, it's about time. A little irresponsibility will do me some good.
No more eating healthy. Get's you nowhere. Time to enjoy. Ice cream anyone?
Being responsible, courteous, and gentlemanly also gets you nowhere. Time to be a major **** up.
Chase younger women. More of them. Especially those without morals, taste, or redeeming qualities.
Drive faster. And, in a more reckless and obnoxious fashion.
Find some old black overweight crack whore and bring her home to mom wearing an engagement ring.
Cut off old blind Las Vegas drivers who continually haunt the left lane of the highway.
Start beating up people who really piss me off. Being nice and tolerant just encourages these idiots.
Start treating women with disrespect, dishonor, and abuse. They'll love me more for it.
Put mom in a nursing home. I'm tired of this "When am I having grandchildren" ****.
Stay out of hospitals. No more death defying moments.
Change my underwear at least once a week. No more turning them inside-out.
Wash the car more than once a year. And, start using soap.
Tell my dog to **** on my neighbor's lawn.
Stop using shaving cream on my head. The eventual cuts and scars will make me more attractive.
Blow the dog hair out of the Ferrari.
Screw it. I think I'll **** on the neighbor's lawn too.
Stop being bothered by the ignorance of the low grade morons that make up the majority of our society.
Buy the ex-girlfriend the book, "Sugar Daddies 101", and hope that she can read.
Teach Xingwei how to use the dishwasher. The washing machine. The sink and garbage disposal.
Throw the ****ing shredder out before I destroy more twenty-six thousand dollar cashier's checks.
Turn off long distance access on all the house phones.

That's a start.

Gonna be a great year.

[Maestro]

umm

Start drinking. Heavily. Hell, I'm old enough, it's about time. A little irresponsibility will do me some good.
(ps, i used to drink alot, that all changes the first time you throw up in a hot girls car, regardless a friend of mine is an aspiring moonshiner, do the same)

No more eating healthy. Get's you nowhere. Time to enjoy. Ice cream anyone?
(ice cream suxx =(
Being responsible, courteous, and gentlemanly also gets you nowhere. Time to be a major **** up.
(so true)
Chase younger women. More of them. Especially those without morals, taste, or redeeming qualities.
(try a college campus, get some real baggy jeans, an A&F tshirt, grow some air, put some gel in it, bring a keg, follow these simple directions and you wont have to chase anything)
Drive faster. And, in a more reckless and obnoxious fashion.
(its the only way)
Find some old black overweight crack whore and bring her home to mom wearing an engagement ring.
(you think your bride to be would keep that ring long enough for mommy to see it?)
Cut off old blind Las Vegas drivers who continually haunt the left lane of the highway.
(gotta do what you gotta do..)
Start beating up people who really piss me off. Being nice and tolerant just encourages these idiots.
(yes it does, learn to spot weapons)
Start treating women with disrespect, dishonor, and abuse. They'll love me more for it.
(wouldnt encourage that)
Put mom in a nursing home. I'm tired of this "When am I having grandchildren" ****.
(tell her, your gonna get some grandchildren just as soon as the dna tests come back)
Stay out of hospitals. No more death defying moments.
(stay out of hospitals period)
Change my underwear at least once a week. No more turning them inside-out.
(never thought of turning them inside out..)
Wash the car more than once a year. And, start using soap.
(never had a car for a whole year, no advice =(
Tell my dog to **** on my neighbor's lawn.
(seems like that **** happens all to often anyhow?)
Stop using shaving cream on my head. The eventual cuts and scars will make me more attractive.
(stop shaving your head)
Blow the dog hair out of the Ferrari.
(give me the ferrari, its holding you back spiritualy)
Screw it. I think I'll **** on the neighbor's lawn too.
(video tape it)
Stop being bothered by the ignorance of the low grade morons that make up the majority of our society.
(dont vote for bush then)
Buy the ex-girlfriend the book, "Sugar Daddies 101", and hope that she can read.
(dont understand?)
Teach Xingwei how to use the dishwasher. The washing machine. The sink and garbage disposal.
(so, you do his laundry, dishes and take out the garbage?)
Throw the ****ing shredder out before I destroy more twenty-six thousand dollar cashier's checks.
(excuse my ignorance on matters of money, but i dont exactly know what a cashiers check is)
Turn off long distance access on all the house phones.
(theres been a block on my phone as long as i can remember..we all use phone cards lol)

amitabha

[DarkDao]

why not these people either don't care or are too stupid to worry about us why should we worry about them?
what is it with women that get beat up yet go back for more but treat them like a queen and they walk all over you.
you always read about the health nuts kicking off early while those that somke and drink live into their 90s.
stick with it doc!

[Steve]

Already do those..

Looking at Doc's list, I already do most of those.
Drink too much, eat unhealthy, etc.... done that for years....
drive too fast and wash the car.. (seen my suburban lately, just glad I can make it across town)

Stay out of hospitals (only time I was in a hospital last year was with Doc.)

Your dog already does that on your neighbor's lawn.

And the closest we came to the neighbor's lawn was when we pinned down a piece of $#*! to it, till the police came for him. You should write that whole story.

"Stop using shaving cream on my head."... Think I just need a haircut this year.

"Teach Xingwei how to use the dishwasher. The washing machine. The sink and garbage disposal.
(so, you do his laundry, dishes and take out the garbage?) " {No Tonya does that}

Maestro, I get the Farrari first.

"Buy the ex-girlfriend the book, "Sugar Daddies 101"... (One of girls at her work read it to her a couple months ago.)

"Throw the ****ing shredder out before I destroy more twenty-six thousand dollar cashier's checks." (There are more $26,000 checks?)

But an "old black overweight crack whore", I have never seen a crack whore that is overweight and blonde ones are better.

[tonya]

very good list doc,im going to hold you to it!so when you go to the fridge to get that apple or strawberrys im going to tell you no get the chocolate cake ,and some cookies. teaching xingwei to do the dishes {uhh NO}i could just see that now there would never be any clean dishes.one little spot and it would be back in the washer.we fight about that all the time then i just tell him to go away and leave th dishes alone.and no i get the farrari first!the hole grandchild thing ,well take the monks over there and say hi mom meet you new grandkids!they are like having kids,you have to teach the how to talk,how to eat {better}food.the best part about you new kids is that they are already potty trained.if your feeling left out with that part you can always potty train ricks dog when she comes over?????the hole younger girl thing umm you might have to go a little older like 25 i know thats really old but it might work out better!stay out of the hospitals ,take up basketball,(you just cant play with xingwei)your luck you would brake both you feet ha ha joke !(i could just see that now)!!!!

[doc]

But an "old black overweight crack whore", I have never seen a crack whore that is overweight and blonde ones are better.

I'll find one.

Or, more likely, one will find me....

[doc]

Oh, Tonya, what's with the ten line run on sentences?

This is a period .

This is a comma ,

LOL

[Steve]

Why we need resolutions?

We don't have it so bad...
and he only has one:

[tonya]

well doc! i did my ten line sentences just to see if you read what i wrote!!! hahaha joke.yes i know what a comma is and a period...well my new years resolution is,no more basketball!!! ( for about 2months anyways)..

[cassius]

you mean 'full stop' instead of 'period'.