HI Paul

Well, I think we’re getting close, and this has been interesting.

Boris continues to practice kung fu like his dad used to do, but Vanessa is starting to really wear down from all of his kicking and maneuvering and her lack of sleep. I thought she lost her mind last week when she tried to return to her family in the Philippines by bus. I guess she would have eventually figured out that buses don’t float. Talk about mind altering hormones and instability, something we guys fortunately don’t have to deal with. Along with the occasional irrational behavior, she’s getting so big and swollen now, she reminds me of the pimples I used to get on my forehead as a teenager. I have dreams of waking up next to a ruptured mass of flesh. Between her half hourly bathroom visits, and the soccer practice that Boris must be playing inside her womb, sleep is a rarity for her. She’s tired and really looking forward to this birth. The most commonly heard statement I hear in E4 these days is “Boris NEEDS to come out!” which has superseded the previous “Put the toilet seat DOWN!” and “Stop playing computer games…” I’m glad I’m a guy. I sleep like the dead and then spend the rest of the day doing nothing and thinking about how much nothing I can get done the next day.

The obstetrician claims that March 8 is the due date, though I think she’s off a bit. I’m thinking March 1, or maybe last week of February. Which still gives me about two weeks to figure out how to put this damn baby crib together. Made in China, but you still need a PhD in Engineering to figure out what sticks into what. And the little revolving thing that is supposed to entertain the kid had to be designed by Satan himself.

Oh, and we’re stuck on a name. Boris seems to be the most commonly heard moniker lately, though we really don’t want to do that to the kid. He’s going to be disadvantaged enough if he gets my looks. She’s given me the responsibility for figuring out what to officially call him. As if I don’t have enough to do with this crib. I haven’t even thought about tackling the problem of how to put the car seat in the Toyota and she wants me to come up with a name. I told her it was easier to throw the kid in the back of the Jeep and duct tape him to the seat. Apparently, as I’ve been advised, this is not an option. And I’m also told that I shouldn’t even think of a little wooden seat on the motor bike. I’m frazzled.

I know that you’ve been busy, but I was hoping to find some time so that we could sit down and talk. Our lease is coming up soon and we have to plan accordingly. We are available anytime, that is, if I’m not busy chasing Vanessa down at bus stations.

Hope you and the family are well. See you soon.

rich