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    Hey you!

    Yes, YOU. We're talking to you.

    There ain't no one else in front of this computer.

    Are you dead tired of not being able to perform well enough in bed? So were tens of 1000s of other males, but we saved them all. Every last one of them!

    HOW? Knew you would ask. Let's look at some letters from some poor unfortunates out there, who just were not satisified with how their lives were working out.
    • ive been looking to go to china and study with the shaolin, but its not the easiet thing to get info on. i would prefer to stay at a temple itself and live the good old traditional way, but ill take what is possable. i was wondering if you could give me any info, or direct me to info, prices, visas, locatations ect. i want to go for at least 6 months. thank you
    • Hello. My name is xxxxx xxxxxxx and lives in Sweden. I am 15 years old and have training shaolin kungfu in 3 years. I wonder how i should do if i wont to start training in shaolin temple and become shaolin warrior monk.
    • Dear doc: I think I want to spend a year at the temple. Would you please assist me with the planning and arrangements? Thank you; xxx Gung hay fat choy!
    • My master, xxxx xxxxx has been teaching the only authentic and real Shaolin gong fu here in Las Vegas for many years. He is a fourth degree black belt in karate, having learned the Shaolin gong fu from a Chinese master in California many years ago. His master spent many years living at the Shaolin temple in Taiwan. My master is a real monk, and is the only direct and true descendant of Shaolin here in the US. I know this because I am his disciple. And he speaks Chinese because he's learning it now. He is the greatest!
    • Dear doc. I am a student of ch'an and intend to do whaat I can to spread shaolin dharma. I cureently have an offer to take a doctral with submission of thesis. This will open doors and allow me to study further. I also plan to write a book and teach ch'an where others are busy spreading shaolin dharma via kungfu. Ch'an seminars is something I will also consider. I feel as westerner, in this way I can best contribute. I am looking for somewhere in the USA to study ch'an daily while recieving kungfu instruction from a songshan temple monk. If you have information it will be appreciated. much peace, longevity and a natural ending to you all. xxxxx
    • Dear doc. Are the words: "Shaolin", Shaolin Wushu", Shaolin Monastery" registered as trademarks in the PRC?

    Are YOU unhappy? Are YOU unsatisfied? Do YOU want to change your life? Do YOU want to learn the Shaolin way? Do YOU want to learn the wonderful, beautiful, and rarely taught Shaolin Gong Fu? Do YOU want to be able to OFFICIALLY use the words "Shaolin", or, "Shaolin Wushu", without fear of lawsuits, or nasty letters? Do YOU want a bigger penis?

    Do YOU want to become a Shaolin monk?

    Of course you do. Who doesn't? Hell, my mother looked at me after I popped out of her womb and landed on the floor, all covered in mucus and blood, and said, "Oh, I do hope he grows up to become a Shaolin monk." Everyone wants to become a Shaolin monk. In fact, if you look closely, more than likely, your karate teacher is a Shaolin monk. More than likely, the guy that picks up your garbage is a Shaolin monk. The Mexican who cooks your food in your local Chinese restaurant most probably is a Shaolin monk. Maybe, your grandmother is a Shaolin monk. They just haven't told you yet. And, do you know what? You can be just like them. Yes, you most certainly can.

    And we can help you.
    • You can have a black belt. With lots of little stripes.
    • You can have the love and respect of thousands of followers. Make them bow down to you!
    • You can have all the babes. Even the ones with REAL breasts!
    • You can have the tattoos of tigers and dragons on your forearms. Burn little dots into your forehead!
    • You too can wear the orange robes, and advertise to the world that you are a Shaolin monk!

    In fact, why advertise being "just a Shaolin monk"? Why not be the FIRST Shaolin monk to live outside the Shaolin temple?

    YOU can be the first Foreign Shaolin monk. Imagine. YOU can even be the first Hasidic Jew Shaolin monk!

    Be the first. Be the only. You can do it.

    Be the first Shaolin monk in your neighborhood. Show off your orange robes, your martial arts prowess, and your holiness to all the kids on your block.

    Become a Shaolin monk. A real one.


    Well, it's easy.

    With, the new, and improved, certified, "Shaolin Monk Starter Kit".

    The certified "Shaolin Monk Starter Kit" contains all that you need to become the first Shaolin monk on your block. And, we've included directions for how to use all the included supplies. The starter kit contains everything you need to not only become "one with yourself"; with the certified "Shaolin Monk Starter Kit", you'll learn all that you need to learn about Buddhism, Shaolin gong fu, making money, and advertising. Why become a real Shaolin monk if people don't know it? We show you how to do it! Yes, we teach you how to let the world know, that you are THE ONE. A real Shaolin monk! Not only that, but, we've also included all the stuff that you need to obtain official recognition, so that you too can eventually get the highly valued "Shaolin Monk Master" certificate.

    Open your own school! Impress all the guys in your hood! Get new babes! Wear gold pants! Be the absolute greatest guy that ever lived!

    Included in the certified "Shaolin Monk Starter Kit" is the following:
    • A statue of Buddha, so you can build your own shrine. We'll even teach you how to pray to it!
    • An apple, so you can show your devotion to the Buddha. And, stave off starvation!
    • A set of Shaolin weapons, so that you can become proficient in all the Shaolin ways. Carry one into your local bar and watch the deviants disappear!
    • An introductory VCD which demonstrates some basic Shaolin gong fu moves, that you can use to impress your students. Learn how to punch and kick like a real Shaolin monk!
    • A primer on Buddhism, so you too can use big words, like, "nirvana". And, "afterbirth"!
    • A Buddhist mala, that you can wear on your wrist so that you too can look "cool". Be the tough guy that you are and wear it around your neck!
    • A Chinese chalice, that you can set up on your shrine. Great for your favorite drink of Everclear. Or, Nighttrain!
    • An English to Chinese electronic translator, so you can learn to say a few Chinese words. Impress the gang! Be one of the monks that say "Neeeee how".
    • And, of course, little red envelopes, so you can send money to the "head guy"; the only real way to get your official certification. You get more than one!

    Get lots of certificates! Don't wait! Time is running out. Become a Shaolin monk NOW!

    How? In the DocStore. Don't be fooled by imitations. This is the one and only, real, Tonyernator tested, certified, "Shaolin Monk Starter Kit".

    Guaranteed to make you a real Shaolin monk. Or, we'll send you triple your money back!

    Buy one now, and we'll send you a second one FREE!

    Don't delay! It's time to change your life TODAY!

    (Thanks to Steve for the picture...)
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails Click image for larger version. 

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    Experienced Community organizer. Yeah, let's choose him to run the free world. It will be historic. What could possibly go wrong...

    "You're just a jaded cynical mother****er...." Jeffpeg

    (more comments in my User Profile)

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