Russell Family Exists

Photographic evidence of previously unknown Russell Family surfaces



"I remember those days. I remember them well" states Paul Spiro, long time friend of Russell. "He used to beat me up in the third grade, we've been friends ever since".

Previously thought to be a bachelor, who concentrated on spreading his seed throughout the civilized and uncivilized parts of the world, Richard Russell, a graduate of our local and highly respected medical school, recently disappeared in Phuket Thailand, where he had taken up residence. His closest friends had not known that, many years ago, back in 1987, Russell had been married, and had started to raise a family.

"He was so much in love. I remember back then. He was on this ferry, going to Staten Island. On the other ferry, going to New York, was this girl. A girl in a white dress. She was beautiful. They glanced at each other, and then, the boats went their separate ways. He never saw her again. Never forgot her. Just never forgot her", Spiro said, with a tear in his eye. "It really affected him".

"Then he met Sheila. Ah, Sheila. She was quite the woman. All three hundred pounds of her. Well, most of our upstate New York women are kind of like that. But, Rich was really taken by Sheila. When she wanted something, actually, anything, he just gave it to her". Mr Spiro told us of the walks in the park Russell had had with Sheila, the beach trips, the camping trips to the Adirondacks, the nightly forays to Krispy Kreme, the one night in Magic Mountain, when Sheila got stuck in the log flume ride. "He was so happy. And then, little Dick came along. Damn, that kid was cute. Spitting image of Rich in every way. Except, well, the kid's got hair".

Spiro did not say much about what had happened to Russell and his family after little Dick Russell was born. "It wasn't good times for either of them. Sheila started to lose weight, a lot of weight, and started going to the gym to work out. Incessantly. She dropped a lot of weight. God, you should have seen that girl. What a figure she eventually had. What a set of tits. Absolutely amazing."

"Rumor had it that Rich, not happy with his wife's new appearance, just started chasing other women", Spiro continued, "but that wasn't true. Rich was more interested in women as true, spiritual and cerebral beings.".

"Sheila, who was born in the Phillipines of an American father and Phillipino mother, had that Asian thing going on inside her. Once she got established in this country, she started thinking about doing her own thing. One day, she just picked up and left. Met this older guy on the internet. Imagine, leaving everything for some old bastard you meet on the internet".

Spiro said that the unexpected demise of the relationship caused Russell a lot of grief. "It was back in those days, that Rich stopped dating, and started on his journey into the world of martial arts, which ultimately led him to the Shaolin Temple".

"I can't imagine what it would be like to be dumped by some half Phillipino woman", Spiro claimed, himself being happily married to an American woman for many years. "Well, at least when she left, his house was clean."

The seperation and ultimate divorce was hard for Russell, so much so, that he has consistently denied ever being married. He is currently unavailable for comment, supposedly having recently disappeared somewhere in Thailand.





Only known picture of Russell's wedding reception, 1987.


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