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Blooming Tianshi Lotus (need I write more?)?

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  • #16
    I think her need for communication shows her loneliness and that is sad. She has chosen a way difficult to share with westerners: buddhism, shaolin, warrior ethics. So she is hoping from her shaolin brothers as salvation and sharing, something shaolin community should be.

    She is so emotional unbalanced, it is sad. She might have a high IQ and sensitivity that makes her feel and think more about the evil of this world and she gets lost in it with her emotions. Apathy is sometimes a protection against suffering. Look at her ideas about spies, i dont know what she really means, but she seems to be confused about secret agencies and terrorism. And there are reasons to be lost about that, with all the lying, double standards and changing politics.

    I wish i had perfect compassion for her.

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    • #17
      She joined the forum in October 2004, and has regaled us with her stories and verbiage ever since. Find another forum that has allowed her to play for so long.

      No one can say that I haven't been tolerant....
      Experienced Community organizer. Yeah, let's choose him to run the free world. It will be historic. What could possibly go wrong...

      "You're just a jaded cynical mother****er...." Jeffpeg

      (more comments in my User Profile)
      russbo.com


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      • #18
        Well, as long as I get them, you get them...

        Doc,

        As you may have gathered already, I have actually been following the threads here, mainly because of a school and a cpl of monks I have some interest in, but also've been reading Fahui's thread about me .

        It doesn't not hurt to to read some of the stuff people here say, and really, if I had any pride or ego left, I should probably be pretty deathly embarrassed.. but, I can't seem to bring myself to be at this point for several reasons.

        I guess that's why some of my professors tell me that other professors and fellow students think that I'm arrogant, but, it's not baseless confidence.

        I really do have somme knowledge and experience with different things than most people do similarly. As you have, although probably differnetly, I haave had very real direct contacts and employment terms with government bodies and intelligence agencies and with a reeally wide host of eclectic cultures that most people dont even need to acknowledge existance of out of industry relative affairs. I think that having you with CIA history is almost something from a spy thriller and an out of this world reality that again most people could never really even begin to appreciate. I'm fairly sure that only my nuetrality and NOn- nuerotic mental status, is a really big part of what keeps myy own self from becoming overwhelmed by being so close to oit. It didn't exactly even end non-contraversially, and that it "ended", if it ever really does, as you and I others, including those agencies and respective reps and senior employees that I 've had contact with have also reiterated, we don't not have all sorts of people and groupsd watching us relly closely most of the time. Particularly here on the web site that you claim has been "attacked" by extremist groups in some sort of protest or attention getter.. it's just not reasonable true or fair to honestly try to say that the terrorist and spy comment is as far fetched as most people really need ever to know, but you do make yourself clear about those things, Richard. I dont think it needs demonising, but it's your website, and I believe that you walk a delicate line of balance yourself with those sorts of influences to negotiate administrations though, so I can't really say that it would be fair for me to extrapolate and criticise things I might not understand neither. Just last semester I was lectured in person oonn international terrorisms and intelligence and diplomacy and the types of tactics and dynamics and consequences involved in those sorts of things by the FBI, ASIO, and different legal heads of state and international reps of those fields and so on. To then have you here and having just decided to roll my health science into a security terrorism and counter terrorism degree that I'll finish at the end of next year ish, and even Zachsan's political presence, let alone the types of eclectic religious movements and circles we involve ourselves in, doesn't really do much to convince me that I should be secretive about my feelings about it neither. I think I only survive because i doo have nothing to hide about any of it. If I'm wrong, i'll probably soon enough find out, but, I'm quite happy to continue and find out anyway.

        I should also probably take a big esteem hit every time I log and consistently read horrible and unfair and untrue comment after comment after comment about myself, but .. I'm not sure what to make of it really. I'm you know what it's like to be such a hot topic and sometimes the dice just need to fall whereever they do. there's nothing I can even say to defend myself, because I am sooo outnumbered that I just have let it be whatever it is and maybe hope I still have a few freinds left at the end of it. . and then be good with that that might not be the case for me regardless and stiill be strong enough to keep going and standing up for it all anyway. I'm not sure of the emotions that'll surface as my journey unfolds and even what'll arise for me when my experience here washes over me as I move on, but I dont feel like I'll end up anywhere negative about it all. It's kind of a personal character trait and mark of my understanding of buddhism and what I signed up for that I not end anyrthing that sort of note.

        Anyway, when I decided to give myself to buddhism and stand up alone as the warrior I am, that wasn't done with the promise of having any support except forr buddha and buddha nature and the law and infrastructure. I just have to follow my own heart and best logic and if it fails me or if I didn't homework and that ends up in my detriment, then I guess I just have to admit that I did my best and be happy with that.

        With friends or entirely on my own, this really is who I am and what I'm still doing out here. If that's incompatible with your board and your members and tere's no room for me here, let alone room to treat me in reasonable fashion that I would need to see from friends or people I might share my 'free' time with, then I accept that I'm on my own and I'll take that card and I'll swallow it whole and be okay.

        I'd take the mission over the 'friendships' anyway if I had to choose, so that's that.

        I do feel yuk over it, but it'll wash off and as always I'll train and meditate and I'll clear my head and remember my not so yuk bits and I'll be okay. it's like a post abuse situation and goood knows that that's not something I've felt good again after before already. I might not be the same again ever, but I will be okay. what an awwesome character assination round it has been. I do cry sometimes cry over sh*t like that, but I also consistently break and heal in the right places aswell . something to put hairs on someone's chest anyway.



        Blooming tianshi lotus.
        Experienced Community organizer. Yeah, let's choose him to run the free world. It will be historic. What could possibly go wrong...

        "You're just a jaded cynical mother****er...." Jeffpeg

        (more comments in my User Profile)
        russbo.com


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        • #19
          This place is pathetic. The only interest in the forums is whether or not to let someone back.

          Kung fu threads? All ded.

          Oh well. It was fun while I believed this was a kung fu site.

          See ya later!

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          • #20
            Bye!

            I'm sure you'll be missed.
            Experienced Community organizer. Yeah, let's choose him to run the free world. It will be historic. What could possibly go wrong...

            "You're just a jaded cynical mother****er...." Jeffpeg

            (more comments in my User Profile)
            russbo.com


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            • #21
              play and earn CLICK HERE for more info

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