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The "STELLA" Awards

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  • The "STELLA" Awards

    Presenting the "STELLA" Awards

    That's right ... The "Stella" awards... rank right up there with the
    "Darwin
    Awards" (you remember them... the winner was the guy who rocketed his car
    into a cliff going mach 3+), but the Stella's were named after that most
    important client and darling of the trial lawyers, Ms. Stella Liebeck, the
    81 year old lady who spilled Coffee on herself and sued McDonalds and WON.
    Her case has inspired this award for the most frivolous lawsuits in the
    United States, and a salute to this country's juries. They are of course,
    proudly sponsored by the American Bar Association.


    This year's stellar "Stella Award" candidates are:

    Candidate number one: Hails from the lone star state of Texas and in
    January
    2001: Kathleen Robertson was awarded $780,000 by a jury of fools
    ....er...her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was
    running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were
    understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little
    tyke was Ms. Robertson's very own son.


    Candidate number two: A 19 year old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000
    and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda
    Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice that his neighbor (the owner of
    the Honda Accord) was at the wheel of the car when he (Mr. Truman) was
    trying to steal the car's hubcaps.


    Candidate number Three: A Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania was
    leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was
    not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener
    was
    malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting
    the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on
    vacation. Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He
    subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He
    sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue
    mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of half a million dollars
    ($500,000.00)


    Candidate number Four: Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded
    $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next
    door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced-in
    yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might
    have been just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who was
    shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.


    Candidate number Five: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber
    Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft
    drink and broke her coccyx. The beverage was on the floor because Ms.
    Carson
    threw it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.


    Candidate number Six: Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued
    the owner of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the
    bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This
    occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the
    ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000
    and dental expenses.


    And the winner is: Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City. In November 2001,
    Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On his
    first trip home, having joined the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70
    mph and Calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back and make himself a
    cup of coffee. Not surprisingly the Winnie left the freeway, crashed and
    overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the
    handbook that the Winnebago couldn't actually do this. He was awarded
    $1,750,000.00 plus a new Winnie. (Winnebago actually changed their
    handbooks
    on the basis of this court case, just in case there are any other complete
    morons buying their vehicles...)

  • #2
    Only in America!


    Uwe

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    • #3
      So her name was Stella. Good trivia. In fact, that award was eventually diminished by some Supreme court along the way. But, it's still a bit ludicrous. Our legal system is absolutely in the trash.

      There was a young woman who tried to sue the owner of a sushi restaurant that I know well. Apparently, she was suing him because the sink broke, and she suffered a laceration on her ass.

      The lawyer representing this gem of society eventually, and, in a very rare instance, intelligently, eventually persuaded his client to drop the case, once he found out that she had been accompanied in the very small, one person toilet room, by her girlfriend (I mean, her "girlfriend". Know what I mean? Wink wink..).

      She suffered a laceration on her ass, because the sink broke when she was sitting on it, bare assed naked. The sink had been supporting her entire weight, because she had been sitting on it with her legs spread apart up on the opposing wall...
      Experienced Community organizer. Yeah, let's choose him to run the free world. It will be historic. What could possibly go wrong...

      "You're just a jaded cynical mother****er...." Jeffpeg

      (more comments in my User Profile)
      russbo.com


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