Presenting the "STELLA" Awards
That's right ... The "Stella" awards... rank right up there with the
"Darwin
Awards" (you remember them... the winner was the guy who rocketed his car
into a cliff going mach 3+), but the Stella's were named after that most
important client and darling of the trial lawyers, Ms. Stella Liebeck, the
81 year old lady who spilled Coffee on herself and sued McDonalds and WON.
Her case has inspired this award for the most frivolous lawsuits in the
United States, and a salute to this country's juries. They are of course,
proudly sponsored by the American Bar Association.
This year's stellar "Stella Award" candidates are:
Candidate number one: Hails from the lone star state of Texas and in
January
2001: Kathleen Robertson was awarded $780,000 by a jury of fools
....er...her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was
running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were
understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little
tyke was Ms. Robertson's very own son.
Candidate number two: A 19 year old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000
and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda
Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice that his neighbor (the owner of
the Honda Accord) was at the wheel of the car when he (Mr. Truman) was
trying to steal the car's hubcaps.
Candidate number Three: A Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania was
leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was
not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener
was
malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting
the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on
vacation. Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He
subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He
sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue
mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of half a million dollars
($500,000.00)
Candidate number Four: Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded
$14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next
door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced-in
yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might
have been just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who was
shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.
Candidate number Five: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber
Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft
drink and broke her coccyx. The beverage was on the floor because Ms.
Carson
threw it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
Candidate number Six: Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued
the owner of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the
bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This
occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the
ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000
and dental expenses.
And the winner is: Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City. In November 2001,
Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On his
first trip home, having joined the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70
mph and Calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back and make himself a
cup of coffee. Not surprisingly the Winnie left the freeway, crashed and
overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the
handbook that the Winnebago couldn't actually do this. He was awarded
$1,750,000.00 plus a new Winnie. (Winnebago actually changed their
handbooks
on the basis of this court case, just in case there are any other complete
morons buying their vehicles...)
That's right ... The "Stella" awards... rank right up there with the
"Darwin
Awards" (you remember them... the winner was the guy who rocketed his car
into a cliff going mach 3+), but the Stella's were named after that most
important client and darling of the trial lawyers, Ms. Stella Liebeck, the
81 year old lady who spilled Coffee on herself and sued McDonalds and WON.
Her case has inspired this award for the most frivolous lawsuits in the
United States, and a salute to this country's juries. They are of course,
proudly sponsored by the American Bar Association.
This year's stellar "Stella Award" candidates are:
Candidate number one: Hails from the lone star state of Texas and in
January
2001: Kathleen Robertson was awarded $780,000 by a jury of fools
....er...her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was
running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were
understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little
tyke was Ms. Robertson's very own son.
Candidate number two: A 19 year old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000
and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda
Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice that his neighbor (the owner of
the Honda Accord) was at the wheel of the car when he (Mr. Truman) was
trying to steal the car's hubcaps.
Candidate number Three: A Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania was
leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was
not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener
was
malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting
the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on
vacation. Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He
subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He
sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue
mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of half a million dollars
($500,000.00)
Candidate number Four: Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded
$14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next
door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced-in
yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might
have been just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who was
shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.
Candidate number Five: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber
Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft
drink and broke her coccyx. The beverage was on the floor because Ms.
Carson
threw it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
Candidate number Six: Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued
the owner of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the
bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This
occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the
ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000
and dental expenses.
And the winner is: Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City. In November 2001,
Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On his
first trip home, having joined the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70
mph and Calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back and make himself a
cup of coffee. Not surprisingly the Winnie left the freeway, crashed and
overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the
handbook that the Winnebago couldn't actually do this. He was awarded
$1,750,000.00 plus a new Winnie. (Winnebago actually changed their
handbooks
on the basis of this court case, just in case there are any other complete
morons buying their vehicles...)
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