A Shaolin Kungfu Instructor killed himself in Flushing, NY

[sanxin]

A joke coming from my elementary school: “ A Chicken or an egg, which one comes first?” Chickens bear eggs, or eggs bear chickens?

I am not going to discuss that. Of course, everything is all connected, having the net of causes and effects in the universe, endlessly. “Wrong” pops up here and there. Smaller or bigger, far or near.

Sure, this world would never be harmony enough, but at least some people could “try” to be “better persons” (could means a lot of things) in this composition of human net….The indivual power is always coming from the people, and things or non-things around you. The energy and power never just come from you taking a very good care of yourself only, I think. You can't run away from the kinesthetic happenings around you and inside of you which would be caused from the interaction outside of you. Things will always going on and off, and people is making mistakes, but at least you keep the “heart”and check it. It will be not so important to really reach the final goal that you pre-set, but the process already means a lot, I think.

If a person try to jump out of the whole nature picture, then your power is just out of roots and will fall apart and disappear. As “the person playing the fire all the time will burn himself eventually.” This world is like mirror, you see others like seeing yourself. If you try to kill the image of the mirror, unless you kill yourself.

At least, keep that “heart”, trying, listening, and check. If not......

Doc, thank you for essential points.

[blooming tianshi lotus]

whaatthe about thiis??!??

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GeneChing vbmenu_register("postmenu_728789", true);
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Sing Tao Weekly article
Here's a translation of an abridged version of the article that appeared in Sing Tao Weekly (Sing Tao's Sunday special insert magazine). I didn't do the translation. It was emailed to me by a Shaolin friend who received it from a relative that lives in Asia.

Quote:
Friday, December 15, 2006
Kung fu frightening

RONG XIAOQING

On November 24, a gloomy and chilly day after America's Thanksgiving celebration, monk Shi Hengshan from the Flushing Shaolin Temple was found hanged by a couple as they put out the rubbish in New York's Chinatown.

While the 27-year-old left no note, authorities ruled that he had taken his own life. The suicide has seen rumours, innuendo and allegations about his death circulate on websites and in Chinese-language newspapers, with Shi Hengshan's friends and associates blaming Shi Guolin, the founding abbot of the Shaolin Temple in Flushing, New York for the tragedy.

They claim Shi Guolin, who had helped him come to the US from the mainland three years ago to work as a kung fu master in the temple, had kept his passport and hadn't been paying him before firing him shortly before his death. In response, Shi Guolin held a tearful news conference saying he was saddened and confused by the suicide - forbidden in Buddhist teachings - and denied the allegations. Shi Guolin admitted the monks did not get paid but said they received free board, food and medical expenses.

While the reasons behind Shi Hengshan's death remain murky, the tragedy shows the personal and spiritual turmoil faced by the Shaolin monks when they leave the mainland to chase the American dream. And many are choosing marriage, money and an easier way of life over spirituality.
Growing up in the 1,500-year-old Song Mount Shaolin Temple in Henan province , the world's spiritual heartland of Chinese kung fu and Chan Buddhism, involves tough training as well as strict adherence to Buddhist principles. There is no meat, alcohol or women, and often severe punishment for rule breaches.

For most Americans, the word Shaolin first entered the vocabulary in the 1970s through popular TV series Kung Fu, in which David Carradine played a half-Chinese, half-American fighting monk. His character grew up in the Song Mount Shaolin Temple before he escaped to the US after he confronted the emperor.

In reality, no Shaolin fighting monks settled in the US until 1992, when two absconded from a touring team in San Francisco. Shi Guolin was one, and he set up the Flushing Shaolin Temple, while the other, Shi Yanming, founded the USA Shaolin Temple in Manhattan. The number of fighting monks in the US has grown ever since.

The influx of Shaolin monks has run parallel to the renaissance of Chinese kung fu in the US. Fighting experts such as Jackie Chan and Jet Li Lianjie have replaced Bruce Lee as Hollywood stars, movies such as Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon have drawn critical acclaim and a recent survey by the Sporting Goods Manufacturing Association found there were 6.9 million Americans practising kung fu in 2004, a five-fold increase on 2001. This interest has proved to be a boon for kung fu masters, especially those who can claim an association with Shaolin.

"When I first toured the US with delegations, I had heard from other Shaolin disciples who had opened Shaolin temples here that the market for kung fu was very large, but it is even larger than I thought," said Shi Xingwei, a fighting monk who runs Shaolin Kung Fu Chan in Las Vegas. The school only opened in October 2005 and already has more than 100 students.

Fighting monk Shi Xinghao, 33, is another who stayed in the US after coming with a touring delegation in 1998 and has since opened the Shaolin Kung Fu Academy in Houston. Shi Xinghao remembers the strict training he received from the masters at the Song Mount Shaolin and the high expectations of his parents.

"It was common for the masters to beat disciples to push us to work harder," said Shi Xinghao, who also recalls his father didn't allow him to go back home during Lunar New Year in the first year he was sent to the temple. "I was only 13, but my dad wanted me to practise more to catch up with my peers who got there earlier."

When Shi Xinghao used these tough training methods at his Houston school he found the students stopped coming. "My friend told me if I beat students, they could even sue me. That scared the hell out of me," said Shi Xinghao, who has become much more lenient.
He now lives a more American life. "There is almost no way to strictly follow the Buddhist disciplines in the modern world," said Shi Xinghao, who considers himself to be half-monk, half-secular and prepared to marry if he finds the right woman.

Zhang Lipeng, who became a Shaolin disciple when he was five and had been following the disciplines until he moved to Europe in 1996 when he was 22, now believes that he was never a true monk.

"I am not a monk and I have never been one," he said. Mr Zhang said a real Shaolin monk had to know both kung fu and Buddhist scripts, but he only learned kung fu. "I was at most a bodyguard for the Shaolin temple," he said.

Mr Zhang has since abandoned his monk name, Shi Xingpeng, married an American woman, and moved to the US. Shi is the universal surname for devout Buddhists.

He has a son, Mathew, six, whom he does not force to learn kung fu, and he is reducing the size of his Shaolin Kung Fu and Tai-chi Academy in New Jersey and focusing on producing a movie.

"If you are in the US, you have to accept the American culture. It can be hard, but coming here is your own choice," Mr Zhang said.
Founder of the USA Shaolin Temple in New York, Shi Yanming, has also married and has no taboos about what he eats. But he still insisted he is not only a monk, but a higher level monk than most in the Shaolin system.

"If you have Buddha in your heart, the forms are not that important. This is the essence of Chan," said Shi Yanming, whose six-year-old son Jinlong and four-year-old daughter Jianhong also bear the last name "Shi". "Buddha gives all I have now, so my children also belong to Buddha."
But making personal decisions is perhaps easier than the ethical and spiritual questions that arise from running a business. Monks face the tricky question of how far they should go as businessmen.

Shi Hengshan's death and the allegations he was exploited have been a hot topic on russbo.com, a US-based online Shaolin culture forum.
One contributor using the name "Premier" said: "I am totally speechless about Guolin. When I joined his temple, the first thing he told me is did I pay the tuition money. I dunno, but for some reason that bothered me."

Another called "Iron Cross" was less specific. "All these `monks' are total bulls*** artists. They create this impossible setups and stories [sic] no one can even really verify here and charge way too much money for basic martial arts training," he said.
The Flushing Shaolin Temple charges US$300 for a three-month membership, similar to the fees for mainstream gyms in New York, but many in the US believe the monks should not profit from the temples.

"There's this American perception, I think it's because of the David Carradine Kung Fu TV show, that monks should not make money and they should just roam around the world," said Gene Ching, the associate publisher of San Francisco's Kung Fu magazine. "But martial arts is a business, and every school has to pay their rent."

However, Richard Russell, a doctor in Las Vegas and a Shaolin expert who founded russbo.com, said monks who focus on going commercial often find something important missing.

Dr Russell has visited the Song Mount Shaolin Temple five times for training since 1995 and has got to know many of the monks. In 2002, he helped two get working visas to the US to teach in Las Vegas for a while before returning to be replaced by others.

"The monks grow up in a society which is very rigorous. When you bring them to America, they are astonished by the quality of life, they realise they have freedoms that they never really experienced before, and their desire for material needs and to make money is particularly strong," said Dr Russell. "It's quite possible that they don't understand that to exercise those freedoms there comes a certain amount of responsibility, which we learned when we were growing up in this society, and that they haven't had the opportunity to learn."

But Shi Yanming claims he was not attracted to the US by the material life, even though he now works out of a renovated 5,000 sq ft temple in the desirable SoHo area of Manhattan.

"When I was in China, I was famous enough and it was easy for me to live affluently," he said. "But when I decided to move here, a backpack was all I had." When he first landed in New York's Chinatown, he rented a small abandoned garment factory which was a kung fu school by day and his bedroom at night. There was no heating or hot water, he recalled.

Shi Yanming is now applying for visas for three students from a Shaolin kung fu school on the mainland to help him expand with another temple on the west coast. But he said he was not worried about the newcomers having problems fitting in and believes the Chan philosophy will help them cope with the new environment. He cited a well-known story about Da Mo, the Indian monk who brought the sect to China 1,500 years ago and founded Shaolin.

"Da Mo once dug four wells which he filled with water tasting bitter, spicy, sour and sweet, and asked his disciples to take them one by one," said Shi Yanming.

"Life is just like that, if you keep going, it will turn from bitter to sweet."

__________________
Gene Ching
Associate Publisher
Kung Fu Magazine & www.KungFuMagazine.com



??

[Chicken]

Sorry all, even though she may deserve to be in Hell, BtL is on the case here!

Just one thing BtL: Yan Zhang never kicked Hengshan out.

Yan Zhang was still Hengshan's Shifu, even when he jumped ship to Guolin. In the Yan Zhang camp, Hengshan was AWOL (with all that that implies), but that doesn't mean that he was no longer his student or that he wasn't welcome back. Once a Shifu always a Shifu... its like a parental relationship... your parents parent you... you can never undo that parenting... same applies for shifu and shinianing.

I think most in the Yan Zhang camp knew Hengshan wasn't sound mentally even before he went AWOL (because of the way he behaved back at the school - you don't train 50% more than everyone else... it separates you from the rest, and its bad for your spirit - as we are seeing), but still they were all concerned for him, all (Sanxin and all the Yan Zhang disciples) were trying to get him to reunite with them. So there was a lot of compassion at the root of how the entire Yan Zhang crew were behaving towards Hengshan. At the same time they were all exasperated and angry with him... as much as you would be with a 3 year old that runs off into a road and nearly gets run over... which is all consistent with what had happened. i.e. Hengshan shafting Yan Zhang.

The whole crew reflects Yan Zhang... there isn't a spiteful, vindictive, ruthless, victorious, demeaning bone in his body or what goes on between his students. More than a few of them are orphans - he takes in the destitute - all the Yan Zhang people understand the value of this.

Yan Zhang took Hengshan in destitute once, and they all knew that Hengshan wasn't sound mentally. You think Yan Zhang and his students would turn his back on one of them with such a history in such a condition (even if he had shafted him)? The man and the crew are too full of compassion to not take him back in destitute a second time. Only I think all missed that point... Hengshan had already been through this once... I don't think he could face it a second time.

Yes... Guolin and Liangmei Huang are claiming that Hengshan was back with Yan Zhang, but in reality, he was on the way back to Yan Zhang with his tail between his legs after Guolin's aborted steal attempt. He was not going back because "Godmother" or Guolin had all sat down and decided it was the best thing in the circumstance, they abandoned him! He was going back to Yan Zhang because he was destitute, was far from home and had nowhere else to go.

Evidently Yan Zhang knew that Guolin was reversing the steal (so I think there was communication going on between these two at the time that Guolin was abandoning the steal / Hengshan), as a result Yan Zhang and Sanxin were trying to connect up with a physically and mentally ill, spiritually abandoned, chagrined Hengshan.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Since you are on to this in Hell BtL I'm going to fuel the fire a bit... I agree with you there is a lack of women around all of this, the Shaolin in the West and on this board... I think it played a large part in all this, so now I want to talk about the "Shi Niang Failure" aspect to all this...

Basics: The role of Women in China (or Henan to be precise).
You work out very quickly that when the Shaolin injure themselves whilst practising gongfu, you, as a woman, have no place. However, in the schools, when the the kids get sick they don't run to their Shifus, they run to the Shiniangs... well this is the way of things in Yan Zhang's anyway... Spend any time in the Henan villages, and you will find its also the case that women in rural china preside over pregnacy, child-birth and tend to the sick and the dying, so I suspect that when someone starts to show mental issues, the women also take over... (so that is what should have happened here).

Still, whilst we are on the subject let's first of all address the Shi Niang failiure in the wider picture...
There is a glaring lack of women all over the Shaolin in the West. Even though BtL in Hell and I down here on the thread are trying to steer all clear of this pitfall... its still hard whilst all these macho western Shaolin afficionados continue to delude themselves that there is no place for women in Shaolin - despite that everything coming out of Shaolin in China and the way that the Shaolin behave contradicts this!!!!!

Whilst this denial continues and there continues to be a dearth of women around the Shaolin in the West, I predict there will be more tragedies.

So on the Shiniang failure in Hengshan's Suicide
In my misguided attempts to help all achieve some more enlightenment in this situation, I've said this before and I'm going to say it again:

[ And this is not directed at BtL... ]

********"God-mother" - "God-sister" are lousy translations. THE CONCEPTS DO NOT MATCH. There are no GODs in Buddhism, so when you translate into English you do not use concepts that are so christianly emotive and therefore misleading to the English speaking reader: There is a massive difference between a GOD - who is all perfect, and a BUDDHA, who is human and fallible. The same applies to our perception of God-mothers, etc. !!!!! A God-mother does not equal a Shi Niang !!!!! *************


Right back on subject: I know quite well the only real Shiniang related to this suicide ~ Yan Zhang's wife. She is a formidable woman, and when I hear Sanxin talking about Hengshan going to find / call his "God-mother" I know he was reaching out for her spiritually.

As is the case... because of their marital problems, she is still in the pond back in China, and besides because Heng Shan had shafted Yan Zhang for Guolin, he probably couldn't call her in his hour of darkest need, out of shame, so Shiniang UNFORTUNATELY was not involved in this. If she had I think there would have been a different outcome that even Hengshan seemed to expect in his conversations that Sanxin has shared with us.

She would have taken over spiritually for Hengshan: given him a mothering (i.e. compassionate and loving yet firm) talking to and lent him direction. In this instance, she probably would have confirmed that yes he had messed up, but that we all mess up from time to time, that everyone still cared for and valued him, told him to swallow his pride and make up with Yan Zhang. And since Shi Niang is not someone that you mess with, he would have done this.

N.B. This is what Shiniangs (and most mothers!) do and Yan Zhang's wife is a VERY GOOD Shiniang.

I think part of the root of the anger eminating from the Yan Zhang camp in NY is about this... they are missing their Shiniang, and so all were so depending on Guolin's Shiniang in this instance. And where was she in all this?

All seem to be relying on Liangmei Huang to be Shiniang and stabilise Hengshan through this mess up, and indeed Hengshan had bought into her and was calling her at his 11th hour... Anyway, she got all this thrown at her in the press conference so her take on this is that she:
1) is totally on the defensive through out the entire press conference - so defensive
2) despite everyone else placing her in the Shiniang role, she makes the point of saying she's an artist and not a Shiniang. - so in denial
3) has "busyitis" admitting to having to be instructed by Guolin to take Hengshan to the doctors... - so making excuses
4) and even if she had made herself available to Hengshan, its a safe bet that she would not tell him to go back to Yan Zhang, because she was up to her neck in the bunfight that was going on between Guolin and YanZhang... - so she abandoned him
5) Was the first person to go tell Heng Shan's family in China that its all Yan Zhang's fault... - so trying to blame anyone but herself (i.e. so seems to think that she is guilty to some degree - whether this is the case or otherwise)

I feel very sorry for this woman... she is totally out of her depth, you can see in her defensive demeanor at the press conference that she has this on her conscience. Its a very heavy burden, she needs our compassion as much as Guolin.

Anyway good things come out of everything and despite the fact that Yan Zhang and Shi Niang were not talking for much of last year, its apparant that because of Heng Shan they are now communicating. ~ Inevitably Shi Niang has had the heat turned on her in China in Yan Zhang's absence.

I have a hunch, that this terrible tragedy is the catalyst that is going to get them over their marriage difficulties. I hope so, however difficult their personal situation is (and I don't understimate it), having one or more of the real (Chinese) Shi Niangs over here would make a huge difference.

Back to you BtL

Chicken

[Chicken]

Heart

Sanxin,

its the "chicken and egg" connundrum, not a joke in the West.

I know what has happen, I can understand that you are also a victim of this very sad situation, and I can percieve how beareaved you are as one of Hengshan's closest friends, so Sanxin I'm going to take your apparant inference that I am a joke, as something out of character, and let it slide.

I realise myself that in analysing this inter-culturally, psychologically and rationally, that people who don't know me might think that I lack heart. Anyone who knows me however knows that this simply isn't the case.

If I didn't have a heart, I wouldn't give a damn about the situation, nor whether you wind up with psychological problems getting stuck in blame in your grieving process and getting them reinforced by the blame-fest that has been going on over this, on this and on other boards.

If blaming people for what happened makes you feel better, I think you should continue to do so. Your perspective is just as valid and important as mine, and, if providing my understanding of what has happened has offended you or anyone else, I am sorry - it was not my intention. But Sanxin I will continue to counter balance the blame fest because I agree that mistakes were made... I don't think that any of the mistakes were wilfull. Therefore we can't go after anyone. All we can do is realise that the people that know that they made mistakes are dealing with their consciences right now. At this time they need our compassion, not more blame.

Do you know that being affected by a suicide makes you considerably more vulnerable to suiciding yourself? Its easy to imagine how this happens, multiple suicides accross a social network, especially if the network gets preoccupied with publically awarding blame for the first suicide.

If I didn't have a heart I wouldn't bother posting, I would be content to be a bystander around the blame-fest, more suicides around Yan Zhang, Guolin and the rest in the international Shaolin dispora...

More to the point, if I didn't have a heart, Hengxuan wouldn't have married me. And its on account of the last point that I am in this priviledged position to have been close to what has been going on at Yan Zhang's these last two years.

I hope that by sharing some of my understanding of these things, we can all collectively work out what is going on and how to help them make things better.

I think that you can play a very big part in that Sanxin, so please join with me in this endeavour and let us not get bogged down in mud-slinging. OK?

Chicken

[doc]

Back to you BtL Chicken

Can I point you to something that you might find interesting:

http://www.russbo.org/vb/showthread.php?t=2808

And, back on topic. Just out of curiosity, what was the relationship between Guolin and YanZhang? There's more to this than what we've been hearing.

[doc]

I moved BL's post from HELL, to above. Interesting article.

It's readily apparent, that some of these individuals do have a strong sense of honesty.

It's also readily apparent, that some continue living their self created fairy tales. And embellish them.

[Iron Cross]

"Founder of the USA Shaolin Temple in New York, Shi Yanming, has also married and has no taboos about what he eats. But he still insisted he is not only a monk, but a higher level monk than most in the Shaolin system."

Holy Crap!!!!! Oh yes I can smell the humility... Jesus he's got more ego than he knows what to do with....

[Chicken]

Doc, thanks.

Guolin and Yan Zhang. Good question. This is my understanding - which is far from complete.

Up until marital difficulties precluded him from being an all round good egg, Yan Zhang seems to be pretty much in favour by all... to two different degrees, that is.

Originally, I think the Temple just needed first rate performers, and it turned out that Yan Zhang had somewhere in the region of about 100 kids all peaking around the same year (about 1999) the best of those hundred, say the top 25 were pretty good. The cream, 4 at the most, Hengxuan included, won the temple entrance competitions, so made it into the temple.

To give you some idea, Yanzi still uses the picture of that team, to promote his own performance business in the UK:
http://www.shaolintempleuk.org/stchina/perform.html

They were travelling all over the shop. Japan, Korea, Canada, all over the US, and all over China. Then it seems Yan Zhang fell slightly out of favour with the Temple. Hengxuan has explained it to me, but when he starts to talk about Temple stuff, he tends to go into DengFeng dialect, and anyway he's talking about stuff that I'm not exactly au-fait with vocabulary wise and so it will probably be a year or two before I really get what happened. (My appreciation of Hengxuan, and the Temple through Hengxuan is as if peeling an onion.)

I guess that one of the main drivers behind Yan Zhang losing center stage, is that the other monks were attracted by his success, and so it was just competition intervening as they brought their students up to the required standard. Whereas the school could bearly keep up with all the international travel and performing work they were getting, suddenly it went relatively quiet. Yan Zhang then decided to focus on teaching international students, and enticed Hengxuan, Shande and Dale (don't know their warrior names) back from the temple.

Yan Zhang had good guanxi with both Yanzi (they had helped him out a lot in the past, by Shi Niang's admission) and Guolin (not sure what the guanxi history is there), and so first Yanzi brought Yan Zhang and a reasonable sized performing team over to the UK. Hengxuan had 4 or more friends that he had taught for nearly a year each back in China in the UK encouraging him to stay, so he felt supported in the UK and decided to stay along with Henglong, Hengsheng, Hengwei and Yang Rui. The rest of the troup returned to Dengfeng. Some time in the next year, Yan Zhang and a small group of students, including Hengshan, were invited to Flushing, NY by Guolin.

This summer, we visited Shi Niang's new School in Beijing, and only just got away without paying her for the priviledge to drink tea with her (!)... things were that much more stretched financially. Evidently if things were that much more stretched with her, and the school back in Dengfeng had collapsed (she had walked away with the performing team), Yan Zhang clearly had cashflow issues. This was all inadvertently confirmed, because Shi Niang came to understood that I was shortly going to NY on business, and asked me to take some promotional material to Guolin's to give to Yan Zhang. She didn't say it directly, but there was no word from Yan Zhang on anything throughout the last 9 months or so, and all the decisions to move the school to Beijing she had made in isolation, to the horror of practically the entire present and past Yan Zhang student base. Well, it was clear to me that she was fishing for information as to where Yan Zhang was.

When I got to NY I connected up with two of Hengxuan's friends previous students (both contributors to the board) and headed out with one of them to Guolins. Guolin, was lovely, sincere and welcoming to both of us... and convinced me that he didn't know where Yan Zhang was, that he was sorry about this and deeply concerned. I think the fact that I was bringing things from Yan Zhang's wife to give to him at Guolins when he wasn't there, highlighted to Guolin that Yan Zhang had cut off from his wife as well as him, the reinforcement of this must have been shocking. Most I think would infer from this, that things were not "spiritually" right with Yan Zhang and so I think Guolin's concern mirrored everyone else's and was real and justified.

So that was mid-summer 2006... it's being said about the Charles and Diana marriage breakdown that it was the emotional equivalent of watching a car crash in slow motion... you know its going to happen and its carnage. I think a lot of marriage breakdowns are like that and this one was no different. Only as in the Charles and Diana case, the evental car crash and death of Diana shocked everyone to the reality of the situation, and to get on with it, however bad things seemed previously. The last 18 months culminating with Hengshan's suicide has been same, and it seems to have caused Yan Zhang and Shi Niang to resume communication again and things seem better.

Unfortunately, I think there's a parallel between the Al-faed camp and the Palace and the Guolin and Yan Zhang camps in battle to off-load blame. A coincidence? I think not... more just two cases of the psychodynamics of blame projection subsequent to traumatic loss.

Chicken

[sanxin]

The Day before Thanksgiving

The day before Thanksgiving

Sanxin’s diary one:

-- It is quite painful to write the diary at this moment. Hengshan is gone. Nothing will change the fact that he is gone, even if the truth is exposed, or Guolin got punishment, or his parents got Hengshan’s salary back, or….. He paid his life for all these…. Dec. 18, 2006 --

Nov. 22, Wed, the day before Thanksgiving

1:00 pm, received a friend’s call, having an meeting at 3 pm with him for a Kungfu show. It was drizzling that afternoon. I didn’t feel like to go out in such a dull weather. But I had to go anyway. After having some rice, I rushed to the meeting. After the meeting, he drove me to Shifu Yanzhang’s School. I introduced him toShifu. We had tea.

K show up. I was glad to see her as well. K said there is a big deal for Friday Shopping after Thanksgiving. She wants to see where they put the computer. I went with her. Shifu has to talk to someone about the show.

Yanzhang Shifu called me while we were looking for the computer. We went back. Shifu called me to sit and talk to that person. He said he had some emergency. Then he left. I didn’t understand why Shifu left me along with this guy. The meeting was short but nice. After that guy left, the monk came in and told me. Hengshan wants to commit suicide. I said “What?” I was not sure what I heard. He said Hengshan called him and told him to chant for him. He told Monk to tell his parents that he died of cancer. I almost faint out. That’s why Shifu left emergently?

But “where is he?” The only clue was the number shown in the Call ID. He and K drove all over the places around the public phone where Hengshan called from. K told me to look for Verizon’s 24 hr number. My hands were shaking, and my brain couldn’t work either. I didn’t know what I was doing. The monk and me were calling Shifu back and
forth. Shifu and K were driving around that area. They called every phone to his own cell phone to see if that’s the right number that Hengshan was calling from. I didn’t remember how long was that. Finally, Hengshan called back again. Thanks god. The monk answered. He told him not to commit suicide. I grasp the phone and spoke to him, trying to ask him where he is. He told me the restaurant chef was preparing food for him. I couldn’t believe he sound having dinner with someone over there. I told him to come back here. I tried to think what words could persuade him and rescue him at this moment. I felt so dumb. I told him to come back. He said ok, ok. He spoke so naturally that I almost felt he was making a big joke, or he just tried to comfort me. Then he said let him speak to the monk again. The monk got really worried. Suddenly, he said, “ Oh, bad! He hanged up. I heard a sound. Maybe he hanged himself…..” I fell down. No! Then about two or three minutes later, Shifu called back. He said they found him, outside of one Chinese Restaurant when he was calling us. It was incredible that Shifu could find him. The first time I felt life is so unsure, quick, and changing… But I was totally relief that night.

About 30 minutes later, they drove back. Shifu came back with just a shirt. That night was very cold. Shifu were really upset but also relief. He looks like just got out of one big disaster, or something. Hengshan wore his earth gray color jacket and puffy vest inside. A bottom part of yellow robe was shown from inside. It’s a yellow monk
robe that he wore inside! Hengshan looked really unhappy. He stood in the corner, trying to be away or hiding. I’ve never seen him like that. But I was so happy that he was found and safe. I knew he felt shame or something. I pulled him to the monk. “The monk is very worried about you” I said. I thought pulling him out of people standing around him, might help him to relax a bit. The monk talked to him seriously. “ you can’t do this. If you do this, I would not be able to chant for you. It is not right to do that….” I can’t really remember what he said, but I was happy he was fine. Yanzhang Shifu went to bring the food. None of us ate. Sometimes he came over and saw him. He asked Hengshan “Did you eat?” Hengshan said, “Yea” “Oh, so you did. You don’t want to be a hungry spirit.” He was joking. We were then sitting around the table. K went home. I couldn’t image how much efforts she made to find out that public phone. Shifu said, “How could that be possible? That place was so far. How did he get there by himself?” “We almost had a car crash. We were non-stop driving…, just afraid that it will be too late… ” ..“I need to be alone for a moment” Then he went outside. I felt sorry for Shifu. I also felt how lucky Hengshan is to have Shifu. Why he couldn’t understand? Is this his fate? God seems makes a big joke to him, letting him choose the wrong place and wrong person to trust.

That night I was just relief and tired. I thought he was safe. He looked extremely tired, and in his own world. I’ve never seen him like that. He lies down. Me and the other Kungfu brothers were sitting around him and tried to talk to him, making him feel better and get him out of his own world. He said ,”… I know I won’t pass 29 years…. I have sin….” Sometimes he put his hands together and murmuring, like
praying for something, but shaking and trembling. I felt frightened, but I was not sure what it really was. Why he became like that. This is not the Hengshan that I knew. He said, ”Why he is holding my passport?” I told him, “Passport is not a big deal, we can get a new one for you. Don’t worry about it”. He said “ Not big deal?.. so tell
me if it’s true I became illegal now?….” I said, “Don’t worry. We can find the lawyer and do something for you. We can do that. It is not the end of the world”. He said, “Yankai went back to China, and kill his wife, am I going to kill my parents if I went home? .... don’t, don’t say more….” “..you know I was going to use the belt to….” “I am doing Xiou(cultivate) Chan(zen) (means Buddist Cultivation and Enlightenment), I know I almost getting there….” His words were really frightening me. His Kungfu brother said, “What are you talking about? Hengshan, you know how many Chinese people here in USA, they fight so hard for life, for their families. They are even more
difficult than you. “ I said, “Yea, you should be happy, and you are so lucky. You still have Shifu, a good Shifu. Anything happens. He is there for you. And you have brothers together, too. You are lucky.. don’t worry, just rest and wait until your injury get recovered” He said, “I am so tired, I want to sleep now..”

I thank K to save Hengshan’s life that night. She said it was the restaurant chef saving him. He kept him to stay in the restaurant longer so we could find him in time. We were planning to go back to thank the chef on Friday. Hengshan’s bike was left in the restaurant.

That night was the night before Thanksgiving.

[SongshanMonk]

A very sad tragedy in deed. I am sure the fall out will last for a long time. I think anyone who has spent
years with some of the "monks" and their schools knows there is a lot of underlining issues that they face.
Some are private others are publicly open. Then there are the students who are caught in the middle.

No one really knows what was the final breaking point for Hengshan. It sounds like a lot of issues pushed
him to the point of suicide. But from my expierence as a law enforcement officer people who commit suicide
usually suffer from some type of mental illness prior to the suicide.

While I still feel this is a negative impression of shaolin, I still there is a lot of good in Shaolin. Houston, New York and Vegas
have all seen some type of political fallout amongst the monks. Those who support modern shaolin will, those who don't will not.

[doc]

Not everyone who commits suicide has an underlying mental illness. I don't think its fair to this individual, to make that presumption. People in dire situations, who find themselves in positions with no apparent resolutions in site, can do dire things. Put yourself into his mind for a bit; being in an unknown country, with no real friends, and no obvious way out. He may have thought himself to be in a dire situation.

[Chicken]

Doc, hmmm.... you still think that he had no friends, and that there was no mental illness involved after reading Sanxin's diary account?

Maybe your understanding of friends and my understanding of friends are different things... but you can tell by the way that Sanxin is cut up about this that those two were not just "hanging buddies". They were all tearing their hair out trying to find him... I think Sanxin's diary graphically describes that it wasn't just a case that they had nothing better to do on a Wednesday night... what was behind their actions was the fear of loosing a cherished friend.

Hengshan had lived with Yanzhang 50 weeks a year since 1998. If in all that time the guy made no friends, then I think there would be something wrong mentally. That wasn't quite the case, as at least one of the Yanzhang crew over here was close to him. So presuming then that he did have friends in the Yanzhang group in NY, to walk away from them whilst on the otherside of the world to be with people who were not friends, as he did when he left Yan Zhang his shifu of 8 years to stay with Guolin, with all that implied in these circumstances, flies in the face of survival instincts, which is amiss mentally.

More to the point in the very first posts that Sanxin made, he said he knew that Hengshan had mental problems (Sanxin sounds like a pretty straight up - albeit heavily grieving - guy to me - I think he knows what he is saying when he suggests this that Hengxuan was mentally ill at the time).

And nobody in the Yanzhang troup over here or back in Dengfeng are particularly surprized that he suicided... because he was like that.

You think this all paints a picture that the guy was A - OK mentally?

I beg to differ.

Chicken

[doc]

Again, I think you're misinterpreting my words.

I don't think it's fair to automatically assume that someone has "mental illness" because they commit suicide.

Also, I didn't mean to say that Hengshan did not have friends. I said that if you put someone in a foreign country, which is a stress in and of itself, with minimal to no support mechanisms (money, friends; friends are helpful but they may not be adequate support mechanisms), and with no obvious way to return home, this in and of itself can be a dire situation.

I'm stressed to some degree when I live in Thailand, and I have plenty of financial and other types of support when I am there. It's not my country. Period. I can imagine what was going through this poor individual's mind, especially when you consider the goings on that were occuring around him.

[Chicken]

Thanks for the clarifiation and introspection Doc.

But I don't think that that was it. I think the motivation behind the suicide was shame.

Its not the case that all people that get into a dire situation commit suicide. Most of us in those situations invest ourselves in trying to find a saviour. Many people place their faith in a God, and then attribute that Deity for having saved them if they live to tell the tale... and in real terms they are probably right, because without the hope that the saviour is going to deliver them from their dire situation, they too might give up, and take their lives to relieve themselves of the horror of the dire situations they are in.

If Hengshan had relied on his faith to get him through this, as they were imploring him to, he shouldn't have done it, as the taking of your own life is not a forward step on the path to enlightenment - evidently his Chan beliefs had also failed at this point. But moreover, so many people were trying to save him: Sanxin, this K individual, another monk, the restaurant owner... I'm sure there were others colluding to save him as well as those who were involved that Wednesday night.

Sanxin way up the thread was sharing with us his pain that despite his harrowing, sincere and very best efforts to stop him from suiciding, Hengxuan succeded in killing himself.

Conclusion: he didn't want to be saved.

All things considered, I don't think that that is rational / normal psychology, even in these difficult circumstances.

Chicken

[Happeh]

I'm not very good with the quote function, but I needed to respond to Happeh's comments.

My reality and your reality Happeh must be subjectively quite different. I've been in a very similar situation, here in the UK, so I don't need to open my mind, I can just rely on experience.

At the time I was totally paranoid, and incredibly scared that Yanzi could find us... I don't study wushu & gongfu... he's lethal - I felt very vulnerable. The police were also paranoid and clearly feeling vulnerable: I can't think why else they would ask for an armed escort to approach Yanzi to get Hengxuan's passort back.

Chicken

It has been so long since I wrote in here it was difficult to make sense of this post.

My point was, you said this man was paranoid because he said the other man could find him anywhere.

My point is that the man is not paranoid. Anyone who is a real kung fu person can find other people just as the first man described. It is reality, not paranoia.

Or would it be too scary for you to mention the ideas of esp and telepathy?

Or is that some taboo subject that is not spoken of out loud here as is the custom in many other styles of kung fu?