Shaolin Contraception

[shizo]

Hehe.. just kidding. I wanna know about regular contraception. But if you know anything about Shaolin birth control....... then sure, why not

Anyway, i've done my research, so i have an idea about every method. But i wanted to know a doctor's opinion on two things. Considering i have a "stable" and trustworthy partner..

Widthdrawal: does pre-ejac. liquid really contain sperm? I think it may contain it if you had sex within 24 houts, and the inside walls of the urethra still have leftover sperm, but otherwise i dont think it contains it. So i think if you have good control, this is a good method... especially if combined with spermicidals and..

The Billing's Ovulation Method.
Now, i know that cycle may vary, but if you add some buffer days before and after safe period (also considering life of sperm and egg), then you can have a pretty good method of contraception.



I'd really like to know what the married couples have to say, or people with stable bf/gfs. Besides the pills and condoms, what else do you use?

Thanks.

[doc]

OK. The doc advice of "how not to make a baby".

Withdrawal. You're playing with fire here, Pre ejaculate does contain the little beasties, and, they will get into the egg and eventually make you start contributing to a college fund. And, to make matters worse, you'll also have to start thinking about that wedding that you'll have to pay for, and, the fact that this kid you just made will eventually be a female teenager who you'll worry will eventually meet a guy like me. It's a fact that you can kind of "create" what sex of child you're "creating", to some degree, by virtue of whether or not your partner has achieved orgasm or not. Now, granted, most of us really don't give a shit about our partner's orgasm, as it's not the highest priority on our list of things to do. But, the vagina is one hell of a nice place to visit, but, one hell of an even worse place to live. It's really kind of dark, dank, musty and acidic in there, and it's not a nice place for the delicate male sperm to hang out in and survive for long. The slower swimming, more hardy, female to be sperm tend to survive, and eventually get to their destination, which, essentially ruins your day.

Now, let's talk about orgasms, just for a bit, before I completely forget what they're like. When a female has an orgasm, well, more than likely, she's been having sex for a bit, so she's kind of hot and sweaty, unless you've got her in some snowbank somewhere. The more basic sweat mixes with the more acidic pool of dank, musty acidic stuff in the vagina, making it more neutral acid base wise. Also, the act of orgasm in a female leads to more secretions, which loosen up the cervical mucosa, thus enabling the faster swimming male oriented sperm to get to the egg faster than the slower, more dumpy, female oriented sperm. TA DA! Make her come and you got a boy. And, no wedding to pay for, and, in eighteen years, your son's girflriends to flirt with. Got that?

Withdrawal doesn't always work. We won't get into the whole STD thing.
Irrigation with Coca Cola has been practiced, after "withdrawal", but it tastes like shit after you use it, and it's kind of "flat". It works because the fiz kind of disrupts the sperm's swimming pattern, and the acidity of the soda knocks the little buggers for a loop. Besides, the whole "What are YOU going to do with THAT?" commentary that she'll throw your way is kind of hard to explain.

The ovulation method does work, to some degree, but, to be really effective, you need a girlfriend that's "stable" ovulation wise, and you need to really give yourself about five days before and after her ovulation time. Well, that kind of gives you about a few days before and after her period time, to, well, get it on. Problem is, if she's not stable (and how many of them actually are....), you're gonna start saving up for that wedding in eighteen years. Because, remember, and I can't stress this enough, if you're like the rest of us, you're not going to give a shit about that orgasm she's been waiting for, and you're getting a girl.

Not sure what you're going to get from married couples, other than "Sex? Are you kidding?"

Condoms, pills, implantable contraceptives, abstinence, these are all very effective ways of keeping the wedding date from being planned. Years ago, there were other methods, such as the vaginal suppository, whereby you had to push this thing that was shaped like a space ship way up there, where no man had ever gone before, and wait ten minutes for it to fiz up and dissolve. Oh, what a nightmare, Imagine, ten minutes of foreplay. You could have been finished and asleep by then. Problem with those were, if they didn't fiz up right, and cover the cervix with their beastie killing chemicals, you were planning that damn wedding again. They used to call them Encare Ovals; I used to call them "Maybe Baby's".

So, that's all you need to know about sex. If you want some graphic description of what a fairly nice partner would be, (one that doesn't talk and just moans), you might want to check out Lord Maestro's profile. That boy's got TASTE.

[LeiYunFat]

FUNNIEST ****IN SHIT EVER.

And douching with Listerine, I hear, stings like a motha. But with Coke? That's a little nasty...I mean, have you ever seen evaporated Coke, or tasted it? Disgusting.

[mortal]

I'll never forget in catholic school they told me you could knock a chick up if your making out because your sperm can travel through your jeans and hers. lol What crap.

[zachsan]

In some circles, just practicing Shaolin kung fu can be a form of contraception.

[shizo]

LOL Doc talked more about planning a wedding than contraception

I think that withdrawal + jelly/foam spermicides combination could be a damn effective method of contraception, don't you? The spermicides alone are of course not enough to kill all the sperm in a full load, but that tiny amount in pre-ejaculate must be a piece of cake for the big, strong, spermicide-loaded vagina
And as far as control, i know pretty well when i'm gonna explode.
Let's get explicit.. withdrawals/spermicides/possibly condoms on a regular basis. Internals only a few days a month.

Doc, have you heard of these things yet? I'm sure you have:
OvaCue: http://www.zetek.net/
Nuva Ring: http://www.nuvaring.com/

[mortal]

Is it worth the risk of getting someone pregnant when your not ready? Why take a chance? If she did get preggers what would you do? Are you ready to be a father right now?

[tetsumaru]

Condoms anyone? Once again our great American Government has scared the shit out of me. I'm scared of what diseases I could get by not using a condom. I know it feels better without one but would you rather have genital warts on your dick or a condom....?

Shaolin Contraception.....hmmm....well Shaolin is a contraceptive practice all day and maintain your yang by not evacuating it unneccesarily. Absorb the Yin to balance your Yang. Eat a vegetarian diet...meat is yang. Self control and abstinence.

[doc]

Nuva Ring suggest that it's 99% effective, and basically does what the implantable things do. But, if you're like me, and you wreak havoc on vaginas throughout the world, disrupting them to the degree that a volkswagen could park in them, the Nuva Ring doesn't stand a chance of holding in there. One day, you just might find it laying on your kitchen floor, with your dog chewing on it.

Or, better, yo momma wondering what that little round thing on the bathroom floor was.

The Ova Cue is just an expensive thermometer with a memory. Kind of reliable, but, dependant upon other factors. Use in in Las Vegas in the summer, and you'll think your gf is ovulating every day.

Oh, and for those of you who think the other door is an appropriate way to ensure a long term relationship with your woman, think again. Drippage, for lack of a better word, gets around. Besides, well, enough of that. I'm getting ready to eat lunch, and, I've got to get these thoughts out of my mind. Hostess Twinkie, anyone?

Remember something man. It takes only one. And that one doesn't give a rat's ass when you explode.

[shizo]

and don't pull out too fast or you'll have quite a mess to clean up.... learnt that one the hard way

HAhahaha! That's horrible!
In Tom Green's words: "Let the POO-POO.. let the POO all over the place.. POO POOOOO!!!"

[doc]

Well, thank the gods that it didn't happen to Maestro, otherwise we'd be seeing videos of it on his profile page...

[doc]

Shizo

You need to watch this man. Watch it carefully. And, learn.

We all care about you, you know. Have to keep our fellow russboians out of the nursery now.

IMPORTANT

[shizo]

Hahaha.. Is they fo' real?!
A cozy evening at home.. im gonna be spending by practising the correct use of the condom? Daaaamn..

Anyway doc, do you think that a vagina loaded full to the brim with spermicides + pulling out in time is a good method or not?
And please give me suggestions about condoms. I would like to find a lubricated, thin, w/ reservoir condom, but without "bad taste" if you know what i mean. Because even the one lubricated without Nonoxynol9 tasted yucky to her (i mean after taking it off of course).

[zachsan]

Watch out with some girls, too. They can be allergic to spermicide, or to latex, and then the fun's over.

Keep in mind, this is different than girls who are just allergic to your dick. If a girl tells you that, there might be something else going on.

[doc]

Hahaha.. Is they fo' real?!

And please give me suggestions about condoms. I would like to find a lubricated, thin, w/ reservoir condom, but without "bad taste" if you know what i mean.

Er, no, I don't know what you mean, and I assure you, I never will. When it comes to a "good taste in condoms", this is something that I will never develop an opinion for.