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  • You my brother

    I thought I would write this up because it was hilarious both at the time and as an afterthought. This happened on Monday, where else but a karaoke bar.

    Taken from an email I sent:

    Had a funny weekend/Monday. Yu Fei took me Zhengzhou to one of his friend's birthday party, a lot of money was thrown around; lunch, karaoke, dinner. Anyway, the birthday girl (who was incidently 29) had a sister who was gorgeous and unusually outgoing which is rare among the Chinese women I've met. We were at a karaoke bar and after chatting with her for an hour or so I took her into an empty karaoke room and tried to kiss her. Before this she had asked how old I was and became distressed to learn I was 19 (girl was 23). So I kiss her and she says, "You my brother" ("didi", lit: younger brother).

    Now, it took me a moment to realise, but I understood what she meant, however I'm telling her I don't understand in Chinese but she keeps on saying "You my brother". It's polite in China to include someone into your family when you address them, all my friends' mothers I call 'Aunty'; so becuase I was younger than her she was using the term (younger) brother to distance herself from anything romantic. All the while I'm hearing "You my brother" and thinking 'well, if kissing your sister's frowned upon in Australia, god knows what they'll do to me in China'.

    (End)

    Afterwards she shows me a word she's translated on her phone:
    1. Single minded
    2. Determined
    Which I take to mean she's figured out my plan, she laughs and for the rest of the evening we exchange knowing glances but I realise for all my intentions she isn't interested in anything other than a boyfriend/girlfriend scenario; further fortified in my mind by her brother befriending me and trying to set us up, some people are just too kind (can't see that happening in Australia).

    The night ends, I kiss her goodbye and believe that is that.

    The next day I get a text, in Chinese naturally. She says wants to make me part of her family and asks me to help her practice English while she teaches me Chinese. Now I'm not sure if she wanted to study English or 'study English' but that didn't stop me, along with the help of the Chinese students at the school composing a message and inviting her to come to Dengfeng. In retrospect, the scene with me on the steps of the wushu guan, iphone and dictionary in hand, surrounded by a group of kung fu students in full jumpsuit attire really was a missed kodac moment.

    I'm hoping to get her down (pun intended) on the weekend, I'll let you know if I find love in Dengfeng

    Josh

  • #2
    Next time give her money.
    Experienced Community organizer. Yeah, let's choose him to run the free world. It will be historic. What could possibly go wrong...

    "You're just a jaded cynical mother****er...." Jeffpeg

    (more comments in my User Profile)
    russbo.com


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    • #3
      You're such a charmer. Don Huan reincarnate.

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      • #4
        lol, that was funny. but i the real question is how much money...
        "did you ask me to consider dick with you??" blooming tianshi lotus

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        • #5
          I've never been called a charmer.

          Nor have I ever been called a Don Juan. With a J, not an H.

          But, I have been called the "Dengfeng Driller".

          Another story. Another time.

          Oh, and Maestro, pizza, pad thai, p*ssy, it all costs about the same.
          Experienced Community organizer. Yeah, let's choose him to run the free world. It will be historic. What could possibly go wrong...

          "You're just a jaded cynical mother****er...." Jeffpeg

          (more comments in my User Profile)
          russbo.com


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          • #6
            thats very good to know, pizza, pad thai?(wiki?), and poonani !!

            and, u gotta stop saying "another time" about all these stories. write a book or write some more journals so i can plagiarize the stories and incorporate them into a book.
            "did you ask me to consider dick with you??" blooming tianshi lotus

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            • #7
              There's a first for everything Doc. Apologies for the misspeling, I hope it didn't cause you any great anxiety.

              Here's the conclusion to the story:

              After an extended prep-talk about how would be the best way to 'make love' with LiJie (LJ for simplicity's sake) from my Chinese confidante, I arranged the date, place, time, and related that to LJ via a friend. After trying my hand at texting, in Chinese naturally, to no avail (no response), I made the call, chatted for about thirty seconds before the conversation was too complex to understand and the mobile was passed on to the closest Chinese native.
              Yu Fei, co-conspiritor, had more idea of what was actually unfolding than I but I was also having to read between the bullshit he was feeding me, "she says she has interest for your big chicken neck". The impression I was left with was that if I invited her out from Zhengzhou, it meant I would have to entertain ('entertain') her for the day, all at my expense as per Chinese inviter/invitee custom; which I have to say seemed a daunting task without the ability to freely communicate but, nonetheless, a worthy challenge.
              I had some idea of what we would do but really was taken by surprise by the way everything unfolded, as is the case in my experience when you try to make the world fit around your expectations.

              First and foremost I couldn't find LJ at the bus station, which, if had been accompanied by the Benny Hill theme may have more humourous than frustrating despite my best attempts to tell her to, 'go big, red building'. Luckily, Yu Fei to the rescue as liaison, arranged both parties to meet at a nearby hotel. I get there and wait for her.
              Taxi pulls up and I notice there are three heads in the car; LJ, taxi driver and some other, younger girl who introduced to me as her sister. Again, total surprise; which meant that Yu Fei's previous game plan of "go to KTV, *he smiles* the room is dark, you can make love" had to be modified to factor in the third party (not talking about a threesome).
              We walk around a nearby park, and the mood is tense, I can feel her keeping emotional distance. The sister, as I have found with all third wheels when it comes to girls in China, isn't the obtrusive, protective intervener that is so common to Western relationships, she keeps quiet and respects my attempts to seduce her older sibling. On my part it was appreciated and I acknowledged this by including her as best I could into the dialogue.
              They tell me they want to go the Shaolin Temple. Now I start thinking about this in dollars and cents, and at 100RMB a ticket, I give Yu Fei a call (I mentioned in another post, his father works at the Temple and can get us in the 'unoffical' entrance) but before I can get a word in he tells me he's got it sorted and we meet him back at the hotel. We head to the school, grab Jia Hao, my coach and go out for lunch.
              The conversation flowed fluently enough, I would have been at a loss without a dictionary though, however my advances were responded to with indifference. At least up until that point.

              Lunch was something else again.
              We sit down, the conversation lulls and everyone starts to feel the vacuum that elicits someone, anyone to fill the emptiness of that silence. I use all my repertoire of tried and tested charming Chinese banter, not necessarily helped along by Yu Fei who was looking to stir shit up at a palpably not-entirely-comfortable setting. He says to me, "your girlfriend wants you to kiss her", I ignore this, turn to her infront of everyone at the table and say 'wo jueda ni jueda wo hen shuai' (I think you think I'm very handsome), she laughs, I laugh, we laugh.
              The previous week I had asked her if she had a boyfriend; she said yes, her brother said no. So I asked again, "you" (have). Once again, as charming as I can be, in flawed Henan dialect I tell her 'mo si, mo si' (no problem), she laughs but I think it's superficial. But boyfriend or no, I resolve to try, at the very least I would be refining my Chinese pick-up technique.

              Off to KTV (karaoke for those not in the know).
              At KTV we sing, we laugh and Yu Fei and Jia Hao leave. I pull LJ in close, (her sister trawling the song selection list) whisper again to her, 'you have/no have boyfriend?', "I have". She pulls out her purse and shows me a photo with her and a guy in a dorky pose; they look very happy together. In that moment, I make a choice, the choice to let her go; I don't have the heart to break that relationship for a fling, not that she seemed so inclined in any case. I sigh and face her again, 'I think maybe we is friends', she smiles, nods and turns to her sister who has realised the significance of the previous moment and gives her a double thumbs up. The sexual tension immediately evaporates and the atmosphere relaxes.

              We spend the remainder of the afternoon teaching one another Chinese and English respectively, she gives me small Buddha idol and we rejoin Yu Fei, his girlfriend and Jia Hao for dinner. Finally, I take them both to the bus station, I am exhausted emotionally, and feel like nothing other than hitting the internet cafe but we wait together for the bus. She tells me that next weekend she is inviting me to Zhengzhou and texts me that evening in her broken English "are you happy today (sic)". I tell her I was, and that I hoped she had fun, in Chinese naturally.

              What can say other than it was a great learning experience, expensive, but an experience is an experience. No love, but a beautiful friendship came about as a result. Might try my luck with waitress at the family restaurant down the road next week. How could you not be taken with a line like 'I think you think I'm very handsome'.

              Josh

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              • #8
                Twenty bucks and your "big chicken neck" would have gone spelunking.

                But, another Shaolin experience. Great story. Keep them coming. Brings back all sorts of sordid red lit basement memories....
                Experienced Community organizer. Yeah, let's choose him to run the free world. It will be historic. What could possibly go wrong...

                "You're just a jaded cynical mother****er...." Jeffpeg

                (more comments in my User Profile)
                russbo.com


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                • #9
                  Ah, Doc, give a man a fish, feed him for a day, teach him how to fish and he can feed himself. Women being the proverbial fish, and me being the proverbial.. man. Not that there's nothing to be learned from a quick 'spelunking', but when you're such an object of interest to many Chinese, especially the girls, it's not hard to strike up a conversation, with the potential to channel that interest from friendly to sexual. Maybe save the massage parlours for Pattaya.

                  In my opinion, very few of the Chinese girls take any initiative, that's why I was so taken with LiJie. I hate the girls that sit there, are unsociable and try to avoid eye contact; one girl was so shy she wouldn't (maybe couldn't) tell me her name. To some degree I think this is cultural conditioning, but those who can rise above it have my undivided attention and probably my "big chicken neck"... if they're lucky.

                  I had a girlfriend in Australia who was very sexually/emotionally inexperienced, as a result she was particularly self-conscious about her body and uncomfortable with physical touching and 'activity'. Initially I had a lot of trouble trying to get her to relax because I focused entirely on her, trying to help her get comfortable with herself. Eventually (after a lot of trial and error) I realised that by showing her I was comfortable with myself, rather concentrating that energy on her insecurity, she changed both in attitude as well as her physiology.
                  This is how I view my dealings with most Chinese women and furthermore, believe it's important to be proactive because I don't expect them to be, and more often than not, I'm right. Though it's more fun when you deal with the push and pull bullshit that goes along with the process rather than leading someone by the hand.

                  I've had the offer to be treated to an 'anmo' session, and heard, from Yu Fei of course, "she's uses her mouth hot AND cold, you feel very happy". The running joke I have with him about his forays into the massage parlours is he describes the oral sex as, "good, better, best," I think he may have seen it on an English movie somewhere.

                  It's interesting the stance many of these young, wealthy Chinese boys take about sex and relationships, where sex with your girlfriend is an absolute no-no before marriage but there is no double standard about playing around with the working girls.

                  On a side note to the Main subject of this thread, I got a text from LJ at 1:30am last night, it read, "I can't sleep, I MISS YOU". I got a similar text the day before.

                  Whatever happens for good or otherwise, there's always more fish in the sea. Ah, life in China, good, better, best.

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                  • #10
                    I think giving up personal desire is a big secret to reach the dao of non violence
                    Namo Guan Yin Pusa / Dont create suffering / Dont harm animals!

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                    • #11
                      give up personal desire and shit will happen anyway. shit just happens.
                      ZhongwenMovies.com

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                      • #12
                        hey josh,

                        have you stayed in any hotels around dengfeng? if so you would probably notice a little pamphlet on the night stand. hopefully you can read chinese. its a notice about the aids epidemic over there.

                        henan province has the highest aids rating in china, with the capital city, zhengzhou, topping the charts. a big reason is the rural population donting their blood. it doesnt necessarily have to be from the sexually promiscuous population.

                        besides, that place is just filthy anyway. i would be careful with any local girls. just a heads up!

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                        • #13
                          china is such a shithole lol.
                          "did you ask me to consider dick with you??" blooming tianshi lotus

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                          • #14
                            Henan had the highest AIDS rate quite a few years ago because they were not testing the donated blood. The sexual practices there are no different in frequency than other places, such as Beijing. Prostitution is everywhere in China. I remember back in 1995 it was very hidden. Later on, it slowly emerged; these past ten years, well, it's quite exposed, if you keep your eyes open.

                            I think in one of my last journals I mentioned one of the "haircut" girls being "sick".... It was the Discovery Channel team foray. I think I talked about her...
                            Experienced Community organizer. Yeah, let's choose him to run the free world. It will be historic. What could possibly go wrong...

                            "You're just a jaded cynical mother****er...." Jeffpeg

                            (more comments in my User Profile)
                            russbo.com


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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by doc View Post
                              Henan had the highest AIDS rate quite a few years ago because they were not testing the donated blood.
                              Thats terrible...

                              Were they aware of this? How could you let something like that happen?
                              "Life is a run. In attack we run, in defense we run. When you can no longer run, time to die" - Shichiroji "Seven samurai"

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