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Thread: Wal Mart Funnies

  1. #1

    Wal Mart Funnies

    This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen
    submitted to Wal-Mart in Arkansas. They hired him because he was so
    funny..

    NAME: George Martin
    SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one
    that will cooperate)

    DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But
    seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I
    wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

    DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz
    style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we
    can haggle.
    EDUCATION: Yes.
    LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

    PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

    MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and
    post-it notes.

    REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

    HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

    PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

    DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a
    more intimate environment.

    MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

    DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM
    LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?

    DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be
    "Do you have a car that runs?"

    HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be
    a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.

    DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no, on my breaks - yes.

    WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas
    with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm
    the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing
    that now.

    NEAREST RELATIVE....7 miles

    DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
    KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.
    Experienced Community organizer. Yeah, let's choose him to run the free world. It will be historic. What could possibly go wrong...

    "You're just a jaded cynical mother****er...." Jeffpeg

    (more comments in my User Profile)
    russbo.com



  2. #2
    That's classic. I'd hire him too.
    Whatever doesn't kill me had better be able to run damn fast.

    "You are one of the most self-deluded immature idiots I've come across here for a time..." —Blooming T. Lotus

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Posts
    2,114
    me too. i wonder what his job title is. "old guy who comes in for 6 hours a week to be funny"?

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Posts
    1,500
    Probably more like "janitor".
    Becoming what I've dreamed about.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Posts
    1,768
    greeter...
    Last edited by shaolinstylee; 07-28-2005 at 02:44 PM. Reason: eieio
    practice wu de

  6. #6
    Accordian playing bathroom attendant.

  7. #7
    Noibia's Avatar
    Noibia is offline Registered Member: no custom title Registered Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
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    3

    Wal Mart Funnies

    I am am excited too with this question where I can find more information on this question?

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    46
    I'd hire this guy to rule the world. He'd obviously make it more fun.

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